So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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