So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
