How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They took my balls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
