I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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