some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
