if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize