What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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