In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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