bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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