I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
