shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
