I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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