halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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