you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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