you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
