I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
