now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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