Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
