In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize