I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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