Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
