Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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