i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
