sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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