"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
