According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
