Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
where are my eyebrows?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
