If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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