ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
