I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
