Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
