I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
