"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
