If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
