Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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