have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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