i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
