O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
