you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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