Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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