I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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