That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
