how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
