talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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