i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
