that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize