so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
