I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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