just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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