At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You need Xanax blowdarts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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