i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
