Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
