The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
