It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
