I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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