I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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