As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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