Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
