I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize