Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
