You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
