My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
