tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do herpes really smell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
