SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
