I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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