the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
