I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
