it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
